archives
200412
2004 In Review
2004-12-31 -- Morgan
It's been a hell of a year, and while we look forward to the next 365 days, we ought to pause and reflect upon the year that was 2004.
Our United States
Perhaps the single largest story in America was the hotly contested presidential Election. Sadly, this was the second -- you think that may have anything to do with the results? Sure half the country thinks the other half are f#%^ing idiots, but then again there were some people who were just plain crazy with their voting choices. While the 9/11 report surfaced and blamed US leaders for failing to comprehend the gravity of the threat posed by al Qaeda, the government scored a hit with NASA's Martian rovers and helped us forget how they blew up a space shuttle last year.
Hurricanes blasted the eastern seaboard, giving some their first bath of the late summer months and thrashing numerous trailer parks. How to rebuild? Just ask America's newest felon, Martha Stewart! If she doesn't pull a shiv and make you her bitch then expect a beautifully redesigned home. Fret not -- he's staying in jail. Of course, many personal issues and private decisions faced public debate as self righteous moralists blasted the idea of gay marriage, questioned the pledge of allegiance in public schools, and even took a shot at putting creationism back in school. Hey America, it was a slight margin of victory, not a mandate. What got you so whipped into a moral frenzy? Who knows, but in a surprising move, Time magazine decided to render their "Person Of The Year Award" useless.
The World
It was another tough set of months as the globe tried to hold itself together. The endless war in Iraq claimed more American lives (some other people died too, but they live there...so what?), but Halliburton still managed to make a ridiculous profit and our under-armored troops recaptured places they'd already busted through at the being of the campaign. They claim the enemy is loosing ground, but somehow Osama has been keeping up with every new release that Tupac makes. Does anybody else in this war on terror remember when dead meant dead?
This year suicide bombings lost their luster as beheadings became the de guerre action of jihad, but the Middle East wasn't the only hot spot for violence. Welcome Sudan and their civil war to the international stage! I don't think there's any oil there, so getting involved is a bit more tricky. Sounds suspiciously like Somalia (and we only got one bitchin' movie out of that). Genocide is a tough racket though...it's far easier to poison your opposition, but then again, they don't always die. The Ukraine proves America isn't the only place where crooked elections can take place.
Much neglected throughout the year's news, Indonesia (where most of your clothing is made), Sri Lanka (where Duran Duran makes their videos), Thailand (where businessmen go to have sex with underage girls), Sumatra (where non-cocaine laced coffee comes from) and several small islands (where they use old tires and make sandals out of them) were recently selected to be involved in Extreme Home Makeover: God Edition. It's hard to relate if you haven't seen The Day After Tomorrow, but try to understand the scope of this disaster. And this time the Red Cross promises they won't bumble your funds, so give like hell, or at the very least eat some Thai food.
Sports
A wild year indeed as what happened off the field was as big as the action in the games. Apparently a 38 year old woman's nipple put the "super" in the Super Bowl. While clearly the most interesting halftime show ever, the rest of the game paled in comparison and the bizarre effects are still being felt in the NFL. Over in the major leagues, somebody finally realized there's more than protein powder in the smoothies at the clubhouse, and the Bambino can finally go back to eating at Satan's buffet now that his curse is broken -- and is there now a curse of the Benbino?
Both hockey and basketball showed us that football isn't the only contact sport, nor is boxing the only one with head spinning blows. While the rinks are silent due to the present lockout, we can only remember the beloved season past where a team from Florida beat a Canadian team for the Stanley Cup. And on the hardwood floors, the Motor City not only punked the whiny superstars of LA, but laid it down on Indiana as well. Viva basketbrawl!
On the world stage, the Olympics made their comet-like orbit back equivalent to an ex-girlfriend; there was mild interest and slight morbid curiosity. Fun-crushers were disappointed by the lack of terrorist actions and the overexposure of Bob Costas, but lots of medals were awarded and Greek prostitutes prospered in those few weeks. In cycling, Lance Armstrong made history in the Tour De France, further pissing off those cheese eating frogs with our can-do American attitude and spirit. After beating testicular / brain cancer and winning an unprecedented six races, he now faces his greatest foe. And finally, whether it was his putter or his skill, Tiger scored himself a blonde Swede.
Entertainment and People
Even with the FCC cracking down on freedom of speech, there was still fun to be had this year. For example, America still loves skanks. Can't get enough of them. But not every gal is a filthy whore. Lots of fine women got married. Some twice. Some for a third time. And a few who's nuptials past were already shooting babies out. Clearly they don't hate children with names like Apple, Hazelk, Phinnaeus, and Coco. But we can't just think about the ladies who enthralled us this year -- what about the fellas? The King of All Media went into outer space, while the King of Pop got closer to a private cell. Some guys didn't change from their hard partying, and some kept their girlfriend's name the same for convenience. All of this is no surprise, because in Hollywood, the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Dirt Nap: The Year In Dead
Superman. The Godfather. Queen of the Kitchen. The Joker. The Shutterbug. The Crazy Nigga. The Vegetable. The Cosmetics Queen. The Smart Guy. The Monologist. The Captain. The Nude Lover. The Patriot The VJ. The Beat Machine. The Diet Soda Drinker. Weezie. Johnny. The Girly Movie-maker. The Terrorist Scumbag. The Faget. The Superfreak. Dimebag. The Old Guy.
Thanks for a great year, and of behalf of MAGNA we look forward to an even better 2005. See ya soon...
2004-12-31 -- Morgan
It's been a hell of a year, and while we look forward to the next 365 days, we ought to pause and reflect upon the year that was 2004.
Our United States
Perhaps the single largest story in America was the hotly contested presidential Election. Sadly, this was the second -- you think that may have anything to do with the results? Sure half the country thinks the other half are f#%^ing idiots, but then again there were some people who were just plain crazy with their voting choices. While the 9/11 report surfaced and blamed US leaders for failing to comprehend the gravity of the threat posed by al Qaeda, the government scored a hit with NASA's Martian rovers and helped us forget how they blew up a space shuttle last year.
Hurricanes blasted the eastern seaboard, giving some their first bath of the late summer months and thrashing numerous trailer parks. How to rebuild? Just ask America's newest felon, Martha Stewart! If she doesn't pull a shiv and make you her bitch then expect a beautifully redesigned home. Fret not -- he's staying in jail. Of course, many personal issues and private decisions faced public debate as self righteous moralists blasted the idea of gay marriage, questioned the pledge of allegiance in public schools, and even took a shot at putting creationism back in school. Hey America, it was a slight margin of victory, not a mandate. What got you so whipped into a moral frenzy? Who knows, but in a surprising move, Time magazine decided to render their "Person Of The Year Award" useless.
The World
It was another tough set of months as the globe tried to hold itself together. The endless war in Iraq claimed more American lives (some other people died too, but they live there...so what?), but Halliburton still managed to make a ridiculous profit and our under-armored troops recaptured places they'd already busted through at the being of the campaign. They claim the enemy is loosing ground, but somehow Osama has been keeping up with every new release that Tupac makes. Does anybody else in this war on terror remember when dead meant dead?
This year suicide bombings lost their luster as beheadings became the de guerre action of jihad, but the Middle East wasn't the only hot spot for violence. Welcome Sudan and their civil war to the international stage! I don't think there's any oil there, so getting involved is a bit more tricky. Sounds suspiciously like Somalia (and we only got one bitchin' movie out of that). Genocide is a tough racket though...it's far easier to poison your opposition, but then again, they don't always die. The Ukraine proves America isn't the only place where crooked elections can take place.
Much neglected throughout the year's news, Indonesia (where most of your clothing is made), Sri Lanka (where Duran Duran makes their videos), Thailand (where businessmen go to have sex with underage girls), Sumatra (where non-cocaine laced coffee comes from) and several small islands (where they use old tires and make sandals out of them) were recently selected to be involved in Extreme Home Makeover: God Edition. It's hard to relate if you haven't seen The Day After Tomorrow, but try to understand the scope of this disaster. And this time the Red Cross promises they won't bumble your funds, so give like hell, or at the very least eat some Thai food.
Sports
A wild year indeed as what happened off the field was as big as the action in the games. Apparently a 38 year old woman's nipple put the "super" in the Super Bowl. While clearly the most interesting halftime show ever, the rest of the game paled in comparison and the bizarre effects are still being felt in the NFL. Over in the major leagues, somebody finally realized there's more than protein powder in the smoothies at the clubhouse, and the Bambino can finally go back to eating at Satan's buffet now that his curse is broken -- and is there now a curse of the Benbino?
Both hockey and basketball showed us that football isn't the only contact sport, nor is boxing the only one with head spinning blows. While the rinks are silent due to the present lockout, we can only remember the beloved season past where a team from Florida beat a Canadian team for the Stanley Cup. And on the hardwood floors, the Motor City not only punked the whiny superstars of LA, but laid it down on Indiana as well. Viva basketbrawl!
On the world stage, the Olympics made their comet-like orbit back equivalent to an ex-girlfriend; there was mild interest and slight morbid curiosity. Fun-crushers were disappointed by the lack of terrorist actions and the overexposure of Bob Costas, but lots of medals were awarded and Greek prostitutes prospered in those few weeks. In cycling, Lance Armstrong made history in the Tour De France, further pissing off those cheese eating frogs with our can-do American attitude and spirit. After beating testicular / brain cancer and winning an unprecedented six races, he now faces his greatest foe. And finally, whether it was his putter or his skill, Tiger scored himself a blonde Swede.
Entertainment and People
Even with the FCC cracking down on freedom of speech, there was still fun to be had this year. For example, America still loves skanks. Can't get enough of them. But not every gal is a filthy whore. Lots of fine women got married. Some twice. Some for a third time. And a few who's nuptials past were already shooting babies out. Clearly they don't hate children with names like Apple, Hazelk, Phinnaeus, and Coco. But we can't just think about the ladies who enthralled us this year -- what about the fellas? The King of All Media went into outer space, while the King of Pop got closer to a private cell. Some guys didn't change from their hard partying, and some kept their girlfriend's name the same for convenience. All of this is no surprise, because in Hollywood, the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Dirt Nap: The Year In Dead
Superman. The Godfather. Queen of the Kitchen. The Joker. The Shutterbug. The Crazy Nigga. The Vegetable. The Cosmetics Queen. The Smart Guy. The Monologist. The Captain. The Nude Lover. The Patriot The VJ. The Beat Machine. The Diet Soda Drinker. Weezie. Johnny. The Girly Movie-maker. The Terrorist Scumbag. The Faget. The Superfreak. Dimebag. The Old Guy.
Thanks for a great year, and of behalf of MAGNA we look forward to an even better 2005. See ya soon...
Loose Ends
2004-12-22 -- Morgan
There's not much more I can add to what Dan so eloquently put in the forum (so go over there and read it, knucklehead), but it's still worth repeating that it was a rockin' good time with the kids from State Of Grace. 'Twas a wonderful way to end our run in 2004; 'TWAS being used because 'tis the season, END for it was our final show of the year, and IN the adverb meaning "to or towards being part of". What do we have in store for you in the coming year? More new music, lots more shows, and more cool surprises!
That said, big timey super happy fun thanks to all who helped make this last year great for MAGNA. We bow down to all who came to our shows time after time and for bringing your friends and family. Also, thanks for all the hot sex, illegal drugs, and pandemonium. Check back here shortly for a look at the year in review, and from all of us in MAGNA, warmest holiday wishes and a very happy new year.
2004-12-22 -- Morgan
There's not much more I can add to what Dan so eloquently put in the forum (so go over there and read it, knucklehead), but it's still worth repeating that it was a rockin' good time with the kids from State Of Grace. 'Twas a wonderful way to end our run in 2004; 'TWAS being used because 'tis the season, END for it was our final show of the year, and IN the adverb meaning "to or towards being part of". What do we have in store for you in the coming year? More new music, lots more shows, and more cool surprises!
That said, big timey super happy fun thanks to all who helped make this last year great for MAGNA. We bow down to all who came to our shows time after time and for bringing your friends and family. Also, thanks for all the hot sex, illegal drugs, and pandemonium. Check back here shortly for a look at the year in review, and from all of us in MAGNA, warmest holiday wishes and a very happy new year.
MAGNA-lujah, hallelujah! (Redux)
2004-12-06 -- Morgan
Right off the bat, thanks be to the faithful who bought tickets and came to see MAGNA at The Viper Room. We had to guarantee ticket sales and you helped us do it! It was a pleasure meeting and seeing many first-timers, and we thank everyone who brought a full carload or helped spread the gospel of MAGNA to their friends. For those who were there, you got sanctified rock and roll beaten into you, and to you unfortunate souls who were unable to come, well, I pray that you've already been saved by us at a prior show. If you are still looking to have a religious experience, read on, but first, some hellfire and damnation.
MAGNA hates to place blame for ill circumstances lest we become that which we oppose, but it should be noted that we'd like to clear up a small issue. The soundman, in a display lacking any logic, judgment or intellect, closed the curtain on us after ONLY FOUR SONGS. This miscommunication was compounded as our feed into the speakers was cut and the house DJ brought up music. Apparently, the soundman mistook our thanks to the audience after the song and the hand wave to a person in the front row to mean we were somehow done far short of the 40 minutes we were supposed to play. What his confusion and lackluster sympathy over his mistake can not bring back for you are Watermelon Sized Grape and Solstice, almost 20 minutes of your favorite hymns. We will be posting these tunes for you shortly so that you may enjoy them, and we apologize sincerely for not beating him severely for denying you the complete show you deserve. Find it in your hearts to forgive as we have, for to err is human but to be MAGNA is divine.
We welcome all believers and the curious to join us for our next rapture, which will be Friday December 17th at Que's Riverbottom in Burbank. Our good friends State Of Grace will be playing at 9PM and we will follow at 10PM sharp! Admission is $5 cheap and there will be plenty of the holy spirit available at the bar. Also, to any of you who attended the Viper Room show that feel you were cheated, come enjoy the full length program at Que's and Morgan will personally refund half of what you paid for the December 17th show afterwards if you desire. MAGNA is in the business of pleasing it fans, but don't pleasure yourself -- that's a sin.
These are the heretics.
UPDATE 12/09/04: "Dimebag" Bagged, Now Dead Darrell
Breaking news, but not important enough to suplant our review and upcoming show. Now I'm gonna have to download a bunch of Pantera and see what all the fuss is about. Twenty-four years to the day Lennon got blasted -- does anybody want to contact Alanis Morrisette? And as a warning, MAGNA packs some severe heat, so don't even try and front!
2004-12-06 -- Morgan
Right off the bat, thanks be to the faithful who bought tickets and came to see MAGNA at The Viper Room. We had to guarantee ticket sales and you helped us do it! It was a pleasure meeting and seeing many first-timers, and we thank everyone who brought a full carload or helped spread the gospel of MAGNA to their friends. For those who were there, you got sanctified rock and roll beaten into you, and to you unfortunate souls who were unable to come, well, I pray that you've already been saved by us at a prior show. If you are still looking to have a religious experience, read on, but first, some hellfire and damnation.
MAGNA hates to place blame for ill circumstances lest we become that which we oppose, but it should be noted that we'd like to clear up a small issue. The soundman, in a display lacking any logic, judgment or intellect, closed the curtain on us after ONLY FOUR SONGS. This miscommunication was compounded as our feed into the speakers was cut and the house DJ brought up music. Apparently, the soundman mistook our thanks to the audience after the song and the hand wave to a person in the front row to mean we were somehow done far short of the 40 minutes we were supposed to play. What his confusion and lackluster sympathy over his mistake can not bring back for you are Watermelon Sized Grape and Solstice, almost 20 minutes of your favorite hymns. We will be posting these tunes for you shortly so that you may enjoy them, and we apologize sincerely for not beating him severely for denying you the complete show you deserve. Find it in your hearts to forgive as we have, for to err is human but to be MAGNA is divine.
We welcome all believers and the curious to join us for our next rapture, which will be Friday December 17th at Que's Riverbottom in Burbank. Our good friends State Of Grace will be playing at 9PM and we will follow at 10PM sharp! Admission is $5 cheap and there will be plenty of the holy spirit available at the bar. Also, to any of you who attended the Viper Room show that feel you were cheated, come enjoy the full length program at Que's and Morgan will personally refund half of what you paid for the December 17th show afterwards if you desire. MAGNA is in the business of pleasing it fans, but don't pleasure yourself -- that's a sin.
These are the heretics.
UPDATE 12/09/04: "Dimebag" Bagged, Now Dead Darrell
Breaking news, but not important enough to suplant our review and upcoming show. Now I'm gonna have to download a bunch of Pantera and see what all the fuss is about. Twenty-four years to the day Lennon got blasted -- does anybody want to contact Alanis Morrisette? And as a warning, MAGNA packs some severe heat, so don't even try and front!
